Most Sincerely,

When his cheeks were just "rosy."

Sunday night and Monday night we did not sleep (well). I felt broken. There was much thrashing, kicking, whacking, itching, whimpering. I believe every physical malaise Arlo experienced was mirrored in my psyche. Even with socks on his hands he insisted on trying to scratch the itch of his cheeks. His nose is stuffed up, perhaps from teething, none-the-less, he is not comfortable and is not able to nurse easily.

At times I feel at the edge of myself. There are things I could be doing but they do not hold my interest. Yesterday I had a dream in the little sleep I experienced, early in the morning when Josh walked with the baby. It lingers in my periphery, just out of reach. I ache for it, as in the cold when fire is so welcome but merely smoke is smelt. Dreams escape me.

We visited the clinic yesterday, where everyone still exclaimed how cute Arlo is, despite the rawness of his cheeks. He charmed everyone, passing out smiles like gold coins. He sat in his birthday suit on the scale, which read 18lbs. 12oz. Magical mama's milk. Nursing is such a source of comfort for both of us. For me it reassures me in the midst of all my striving for betterment, that there is one beautiful thing my body does without me having to consciously try to be perfect at it. We are blessed in that respect. I know some women must work hard to nurse their children, and there are those who are not able to do such. My heart experiences much joy when I reflect on how my body knows exactly what to feed my baby.

The clinic we go to is called Namaste, or the Divine within me recognizes the Divine within you. How incredible, how hopeful. On this stretch of Arlo's journey in his new world of physicality they recognized that he is experiencing eczema. A relief to know what it causing him such discomfort. And now, for me, another stretch of discerning what could be the underlying cause of this malady. I have a intuitive inkling that it could be the minimal dairy I have been consuming. So I will try eliminating that to see if it will help Arlo be more comfortable. Surrender.