12/31/2009: Tonight Arlo was sitting in his car seat on the way home from friends' home. He was yelling is dissent. Generally he was quite perturbed by his position in life at that moment. I Shh’d him from the front seat and eventually he quieted. When I stopped shh’ing we could hear him calmly talking with himself. He is learning to soothe himself. It was incredible. It is incredible how fast he is developing. Like a Polaroid, blank, then cloudy, now slowing coming into focus. My highest goal is to live a life worthy of his purity, his holiness. He is one of my gods. I worship him.

While visiting friends tonight we watch, partially, the mainstream celebration of this New Year. In Time square, 450,000 individuals gathered to be distracted and entertained. Imagine the power of that joint intent. It made me understand more fully why things are the way they are.

As for me and my house, we celebrated quietly. Muslim bags filled with pieces of this earth, steeped in intention—blessing upon our home, travel, expansion. We allowed fragrant smoke to whisper to the heavens our surrender and acceptance of the Greater Will. We photographed our little family in the last seconds of 2009, and at the toll of New Year we shared kisses all around, baby Arlo still awake to experience the joy of a blank slate.

My heart is so full I even feel love for the neighbor’s dog that has not ceased barking since I began writing. It is the full blue moon, tonight I howled to break down the domestication that makes me feel caged. My babe in arms became alarmed and wept. I had to explain that sound as powerful, not scary, then offer him my breast.