Most Sincerely,

 I had just mentioned to my friend Maurine that I was very sad that I had misplaced this piece of writing. Tonight I was so glad to find it. As performed at an open mic night 12/14/2007:

as it happens this time in my life is full of learning and unlearning alike. I'm not really very sure how to describe that any further. other than I am beginning to recognize that perhaps the things that I have been taught, the things that I have learned, have been processed through an imperfect filter. the things I have seen in my mind have been viewed through a screen of--
societal norms,
religious rhetoric,
and the frame work of an American education.
now, at my 22nd year, my rose colored glasses are slipping from the bridge of my nose and my mind is beginning to perceive differently. it is filling me. my mind full of recognized and unfamiliar thought alike. my heart steeped in emotions of truth and deceit. and here I am left trying to find my way. slowly, and I almost wish I could forget it all, everything I've ever learned, for the sake of learning. so maybe I could learn differently and not have to fight so hard against what I already know. to perhaps perceive things in a different light. although, I believe, when talking about the sake of learning, it might be hypocrisy to want to forget. rather I wish I were able to filter through each bit of learning my mind has retained and see it through a lens of love. true, pure, white love. the presence of all. the essence of the universe.
furthermore, I ultimately wish I could take all of this rapid fire soul revolution and package it neatly in a box of poetry. in verses that exclaim my outrage at the injustice I see in--
societal norms
religious rhetoric
American education.
and moreover, the compassion and love that still fills my heart for this mad mad world.
but I cannot. to my complete and utter dismay those ideas and ideals must not be done growing inside my soul because the universe has not provided my mind with those strings of words just yet. its like the prophet Todd Snider sings, I'm stuck between hope and doubt with too much to think about.
none-the-less, the universe has blessed me. I have been provided with a sequence of syllables recently that I feel are a cultivation of something just as right, just as good, as what I wish I could write--
a culmination of lessons in love, and really children, love is all we need.

Marley Todd Bishop,
born as unknown, black,
male (or female) cat.
on June 12, 2007.
given up to a cage,
aluminum barred
in a shop where they
sell livings things.
how can you sell living things?
I digress.
now, Marley Todd Bishop,
this is to you:
I've had this feeling,
since I've known you,
that you are a special one.
you came into my life by
picking me.
I didn't pick you darling.
walking into that small,
dank, pet store.
kneeling down at that metal cage.
and there you all were
fighting fighting
biding for my attention please.
look at me, mouth whining.
purring, small little feets
through aluminum bars grabbing.
you don't belong in a cage.
you don't belong in a cage.
you don't belong in a cage.
and then I saw you. so small
a dark little prince in the back.
you looked into my eyes.
open your mouth to say--
I don't belong in a cage.
I don't belong in a cage.
I don't belong in a cage.
I belong on your lap.
where you sit now.
and its hard for me,
to have you sit on my lap.
to know your love, and
to know my love for you.
because darling, as I've feared,
from those first moments
you decided food wasn't for you.
mere days after you made your home with
us, but then,
stopped playing, stopped eating,
just sleeping.
mere days after you escaped that den
of commercial sickness where they told me
YOU WERE A GIRL.
And, so you know,
your names started out being Marley Sue,
but when I found out you were a boy,
darling I changed it!
just so you know.
and I digress again...
none the less.
when your home was made with us,
we noticed--
this little one is not eating
this dark prince is just sleeping,
all the time,
all the time I worried,
got sick thinking,
possibility after possibility,
it could be this,
it could be that,
we'll treat him for this,
we'll treat him for that.
months ago, when your first fast began.
and we took you to the doctor,
and the doctor said,
she's a he!
and I knew--
you are a  special one,
since I've known you,
I've had this feeling.
perhaps life was not meant for you.
in this fallen world I fear,
your little body is failing.
now,
again,
months after you made your home with us,
months after my heart welcomed you,
loved you,
nursed you,
recovered you,
your small frame has begun to bloat,
your stomach lies,
you are not full, but starving.
now they say,
there are not many options,
we could treat him for that,
we could treat him for this,
but we can't save him.
there is no cure.
and as I've feared
now I fear all the more that you may teach me more
in your passing than I could ever have known
by your living.
but, NO! my mind screams.
my heart aches.
I don't want that.
I don't want that.
I don't want that.
my darling black prince.
my loverboy.
my sweetest one.
I want your life to be long.
I want to see you grow.
I want you small little feets
to always be around to knead
my lap as you nest.
Marley Todd Bishop,
born as unknown, black,
male cat.
on June 12, 2007.
fell into the forever sleep,
the morning of december 7th, 2007.
in a small little bed,
that he loved,
in our humble home,
where we loved
him all the more.
in our home where we
cherish living things.
how can you not cherish
living things?
I digress.
Now, Marley Todd, this is for you.
That feeling that I had,
since I've known you,
that you are a special one.
has been found all-together-too-true.
you are a special one,
not meant for this world,
but the next, the unknown
beauty of infinity.
and it breaks my heart to understand
that,
in this fallen world,
your meager little body
has failed.
but sweetheart I know
your amazing spirit
has found its way
past time.
your spirit that I saw fight daily
with a body that would not succeed.
your spirit that I saw raging
in green eyes that spoke
volumes about what we really are.
your spirit which screamed,
through an open mouth
with no voice,
that said daily--
I do not belong in this cage
I do not belong in this cage
I do not belong in this cage
of a body, failing
and flailing to grasp
a few more hours, days,
on my lap.
and it was hard for me
to have you sit on my lap.
to know your love for me and
to know my love for you.
because darling my fear became
realized and I knew,
that life was not meant for you.
that yes, you would teach me
more in your passing than I could
have ever learned from your living.
my mind screamed,
my heart ached.
I don't want this
I don't want this
I don't want this.
but still there were hours
that I would sit,
with you on my lap.
many times with tears and
soul strangling grief.
but I held you all the same.
so you would understand,
that darling,
I love you. Despite your failing
body, despite the impending
heartache that filled my eyes so full
at time I could hardly see.
I love you, and you taught me that.
you taught me how to love something
that is dying and
in this fallen world,
where daily I fear I will fail,
you taught me that I can love despite the decay.
and that my sweetest one
offers my heart comfort as
you are now absent from my lap.