The Dynamic of Change from Maggie Ann Bishop on Vimeo.

The Dynamic of Change.
Monday December 08th, 2008

Things begin to look different, feel different. Really, this must be expected with all this internal shifting. Perspective changes, and yet at times I find myself startled or unsteadied by this place in which I find myself.
I am becoming clearer as to who I am. I noticed this greatly over the weekend. It is easier to listen to my heart-- to stand alone in the crowd and not be distracted by loneliness or insecurity. I have found a certain rhythm, my own rhyme. I close my eyes, listen deeply to the beat around me, observing the underlying energy. I'll dance if I feel like it, mostly I am in some form of perpetual motion, even if that movement is stillness and quiet. I am more comfortable in my own skin; I am learning this from those who do so with grace and ease and no apology-- Tammy Ealom , beautiful dancing Abbey, the two step couple with their splendid outfits, joe buck (this is diffferent from anything I've really posted here before, I'll tell you, there is a quite a bit of profanity, if that kind of language bothers you I would encourange you to skip this video), jeffrey lewis and his anxiety attacks (fast forward to 4:46 to see anxiety attack).

I am also beginning to understand some common societal themes. Mass culture and its need to perpetuate ego. The use of disguise, consume, and facade to protect said ego. I am beginning to see the split in the road between popular culture and the underground. Many positive affirmations have been spoken to me by various aspects of the universe encouraging me to not be afraid of my counter culture movement. It is difficult to swim up stream, especially when the current is so strong, but with the company of real, true souls of common heart the swim becomes more and more enjoyable.

I understand when many people look at me chances are they are going to see me through a lens sullied with their own preconceptions and philosophy. I am going to become some sort of reflection of who they are; they will not see me for who I am, but for who they are. This idea has so much to teach me both about who I truly am and about how I view others. I see now that I cannot rely on others to find my security because how they affirm my identity is fallible and fleeting; changing with their ever dynamic emotions and motives.
I believe that there are those close to me that see clearly who I am. And while there will always be traces of their own self-perception in how they see me, I believe through honest communication the gap between them and me can nearly be closed and true understanding can come about.

The trust that I have for this path that I am on grows deeper and more sacred with each day that passes. These past weeks have been so blessed, when I stop and look back at how the universe has been holding us and caring for us I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Even in the darkness and the fog I am able to learn valuable lesson. I wish for some way to express my gratitude to the benevolent supplier. I feel that can be done through caring for others in ways in which are true, honest, and sincere.