Most Sincerely,

Oh Monday, you've been a trying day to get through. I am left feeling worn and ill-prepared for the rigorous week ahead. The weather is beautiful at the moment, and yet I feel a bit under it. I am finding the changing season, and the changing inside of me, rather exhausting to my mind and body. I feel torn between the need to keep achieving, and the need to rest and recuperate. Rebirth is very difficult.

I find myself having to be in constant remembering of how to nourish myself. It could be really easy to allow my ego to have free range and spin out of control in these complex days. This weekend, while a very rewarding one, bordered on self destructive in that I rode a very high wave of mania. And while the high was incredibly satisfying to part of my personality, I must remember that it will only carry me for so long until it sends me plummeting. I must learn balance. I must learn that those moments of frevor and passion are well and good, but so are the quite moments of rest and meditation.

I find one of the ways I feel most nourished it to eat raw, fresh foods. Living foods. So in the midst of my haze of lethargy I made a big plate of fresh green leaves of romaine and veggies for dinner. This weekend I tried some new baked items for the holiday. While I did not use any refined sugars, they were sweeter than the things that I have been used to eating. I find myself having a very complex relationship with these items. I am very tempted to over indulge in them. It is something that I am still working through, and I'm not sure why I am even writing about it right now, other that it is something that it weighing heavily on my mind.

I am so desirous of learning how to have a healthy relationship with the foods around me. I wish to find enjoyment and nourishment in them. I do not wish for them to be an escape from certain uncomfortable things I am feeling. That is what has been happening today. I feel so many lingering things from this weekend, that I am sure my ego is feeling uncomfortable and challenged by, and therefore I find myself developing bad eating habits again. I am conscious of these things though, and I know that it is in my heart to search out and remember how to nourish my body, mind and spirit through these intense emotions I now feel.

I will be rebuilding some healthy habits this week. I ask for strength, wisdom, and peace.